In the last few days I’ve seen news of a growing movement
started by some coach, somewhere. His suggestion? To put an end to the notorious “HoCo and
Prom-posals” that have gained popularity in recent years. In response to this suggestion, Boy Mamas across
the country have joined hands in a joyful circle to raise their collective
voices in a resounding “Amen!”. If you’re
in that circle of praise, you might want to stop right here, Sweet Friend. I try to avoid controversy at all costs –
hate it! You won’t see a political post
or often even so much as a strong opinion from this girl. But on this subject, I feel like I have a
little something to say. Please know
that I’m not saying that you’re wrong in your rejoicing – I never would. I’m just saying that I don’t think that I’m
wrong either.
I actually LIKE sitting at the kitchen table gluing flowers
to cheap poster board with my boy. The
key part of that grammatically incorrect sentence is “with my boy”. I have his attention. We talk.
I get to hear his excitement, his worry, his happy, his insight into good
friends and kinda friends and life in general.
I get a front row seat to what’s going on with that boy of mine. Turns out that glue and markers and pretty
handwriting are the perfect vehicles for real conversation.
I like to see he and his sister doing this part of life
together because that window is closing - fast.
Brainstorming silly poems. Giving
advice; rolling eyes at given advice.
Discussing potential group dynamics or the best picture taking spots. They are quite a team those two. It’s a beautiful thing to watch.
I like the fact that he is learning that some things are
worth the extra effort. That people,
that girls, that friends, that important things are worth the extra
effort. This is just one more
opportunity as a parent that I can discourage the all-too-easy bare minimum
mentality. One day I think an employer
just might appreciate that (especially if the job description involves the use
of sharpies!).
I like the fact that the sweet little girl on the receiving
end of that silly poster will be made to feel special. I’m a girl mama too, so I can attest to the
giddy result of these silly asks. Shouldn’t
we take every opportunity to make someone feel special? And if that can be done with something as
simple as a poster, well, sign me up.
I like the fact that Cooper had the chance to practice
meeting a dad and shaking his hand and looking him in the eye, even if it was
absolutely TERRIFYING.
I like the fact that he had butterflies on the drive to her
house. That it was hard and scary. Life is hard and scary, and it is so
important to show up anyway. I like the
fact that we brainstormed contingency plans and that he trusted me to be the “getaway
driver” and the person who would help him change schools should the proposal go
awry.
I like the fact that he was present. They were there. Together.
IN PERSON. He SPOKE words. They weren’t texted using abbreviations. He spoke the words. And if he needed to be behind a cute poster
to do it? Well then OK.
I like that it’s a little thing that is celebrated big. I’m raising him to be a husband and a daddy,
and I want him to know that little things are important and worthy of
celebration. I’m thinking about the daddy
who may one day be called upon to write a song and choreograph a dance in
celebration of the first time a little person poops on the potty. That’s the daddy I want to raise.
I like that it’s just plain fun. I worry sometimes that our children – the children
who start stressing about AP courses and SAT scores and college admissions
while they’re still in middle school – just don’t always have enough good old,
creative, goofy fun.
And, as harsh as this may sound, I like the fact that
sometimes the answer is “no” and it hurts and it’s embarrassing and it makes
you want to never, ever, ever ask ANYTHING again, but you just have to. As much as we want to keep them in a safe
bubble, we just can’t. We should be
raising world changing, “that’s just the way it is” questioning, “not on my
watch”, wrong-righting, risk takers. Not
everybody gets a trophy, but you show up and play anyway. Not everybody is nice, but you should be kind
anyway. She just might say “no” . . . I think that I just might get a t-shirt made .
. . “Make the Poster Anyway”!
I understand what you’re saying, Coach, and good for you for
investing in those boys – clearly you care. And maybe just simply asking really is enough. But why settle for just "enough"? Do you encourage just enough yardage for the 1st down in lieu of going for the game-winning touchdown? I doubt it.
I support you, Praise-Circle Mamas, I absolutely do. I get that the posters and the planning and
the driving – they are just one. more. thing.
And we are tired. For me though? These moments, they are so precious and so
fleeting. So, I will make ALL THE POSTERS
and take ALL the pictures. And I will
post them for you to see, and you can roll your collective eyes, and that is so
absolutely ok, sweet friend. I will love
you anyway from my spot right here outside of the circle, and I will happily use this extra poster board and make you THE BEST poster even if the
only celebration-worthy thing you accomplished today was going poop on the
potty. Now, pass that hot glue gun, because
soon, WAY TOO SOON, my house will be quiet, and the kitchen table will be
clean.